Not a Review But a Rant - When Your Lover Is a Liar: Healing the Wounds of Deception and Betrayal by Susan Forward
Some of you may know (and some may not) but I’m working with Aud towards putting together an book proposal for an anthology of writing by bisexual survivors of abuse. As part of that, I’ve been doing a lot of research on different kinds of abuse to both help me write my story and to hopefully compile a resource guide to bi-friendly books on the topic.
Which is how I came across this book. If you haven’t already, scroll up a little and read this passage I came across.
Really? Seriously? How the hell does bisexuality belong on that list?
(I’d actually argue that the mental illness doesn’t really belong on that list either, but back to the point.)
You would not believe how often this comes up in self-help books relating to infidelity. The problem is laid on the cheating spouse being bisexual, not the cheating spouse being a cheat cheat cheater mc cheater pants.
Are their situations where those two things correlate? Sure. But repeat after me, correlation is not causation! Being bisexual doesn’t make someone lie to you.
And in this particular book — which is sexist and binarist as shit — buys into the omnipresent cultural idea that an affair with a man is something worse than an affair with a woman. It’s really just a pseudo-self helpy frosting on a big heap of ‘all bisexual men are really gay’ cake.
Nowhere does this book address this or the rampant biphobia that bisexual men encounter, which makes it hard for them to come out. No where does it say that mixed orientation marriages can and do work out. Nope. It just passes judgement on bisexual people and perpetrates the same societal oppression that causes people to remain in the closet!
So folks, don’t get this book. Like, ever. Unless you’re looking for a book to throw at some thing in a fit of rage.